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03:47am 28/11/2009
  I woke up at 1:30am. Now, can't go back to sleep, and I am watching the L word on Logo ( the gay channel) ha. Went shopping today with mom on black Friday. This was my first Thanksgiving with my mother since I was 7. I really love my mom. Eventhough, she put me through stuff as a child that will always be aprr of me. But, we laugh together! Something I never had as a child. I always made ny aunt laugh to kill the tention I felt as a child while having to live with my aunt. You know at first , I hated that my mom would act like a mom, but I wasn't use to it. But, it's good. I wish I could have just been raised by my mom. Because, my aunt kept me so sheltered that I have had to really learn so many things and social things on my own. Eventhough iam 26, I don't feel it or look it which is good I don't want to age. But, when I left my aunts without her blessing, it was like I was living my life for the dirt time. Making freinds , going to social things. I think that is why it has taken me a while to achieve my dreams because I got caught up in other exploration like being gay and having a girlfreind. But, it was an abusive realtionship, which caused me to forget about me and become dependent upon the love I recieved because it was like no other I ever felt! But, in that time that live came at a price, and I was so niave to the world and ppl I dealt with it when I should have stood up for myself. I just had the idea in my mind that things would get better , if I stick by her side. Meanwhile, I was neglecting me. Do, I regret it. I regret not being stronger in the moments. But, I have learned so many lessons on my journey that it will pay off.  
     

 wash away my sorrow
 
   
10:06am 25/10/2009
  I feel sick like congested and fever.. But I also feel sick in the sense that life will be never what I want it to be. I feel out touch and out of balance ... I don't like taking pills ... For insomina.. I hate taking drugs because your not in control of your body or mind... So iam done... Iam going to try something else! But, I just started working and have been sick this last week ..first I had an allergic reaction to some cleaing stuff... Now I have like a c0ld ... I just hope they don't think iam a flake at work ... I mean they saw how red and feverish I looked yeSterday .. I just want to wrok on my dream... I know iam bit a young teenager anymore or a 20 yr old lol when everything seemed careless and no worries and what if this happened and this happened.. I worry now.. I guess iam scared of not making it in life...  
     

 wash away my sorrow
 
 
rosalie21
 
 
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